The 5 Love Languages – Dr. Gary Chapman’s

I came to know about love languages from my ex-boss (Mr. Mark Ng), it was really an ‘Ahha’ moment for me at that point of time and I must said by understanding these love languages, it helps me understand my husband better and through this better understanding it builds a stronger foundation to our marriage…

A lot of times marriage’s failed is not because they don’t love each other’s anymore or their love has died or the love feeling is no longer presence, it is because they are speaking a different love language to each other’s…Falling in love is always easy but maintaining a relationship/marriage is totally a different story!

If you have time and like reading, ‘The 5 Love Languages’ by Dr. Gary Chapman can be one of your collections but if you don’t, I will share the simple and basic understanding of these 5 Love Languages with you and hope it can shed some lights in any of your relationships.

According to Dr. Rose Campbell’s metaphor, ‘inside every child is an emotional tank waiting to be filled with love’. It applies to every relationship as well, there is a love tank waiting to be filled and the key to success is to speak the right love languages…The more love tank is filled, the better the relationship will be and if the love tank is empty, both parties will be drifted apart.

Excerpt from The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman:

When your spouse’s emotional love tank is full and he feels secure in your love, the whole world looks bright and your spouse will move out to reach his highest potential in life. But when the love tank is empty and he feels used but not loved, the whole world looks dark and he will likely never reach his potential for good in the world.

Here are the 5 love languages:

1) Words of Affirmation: Verbal compliments or words of appreciation are powerful communicator of love. If a person’s primary love language is words of affirmation, a simple compliment such as ‘you look beautiful’, ‘thanks for taking good care of our kids’, ‘I really appreciate you for preparing such a wonderful dinner for us’, it will easily fill up the person’s love tank. Praises and words of encouragement are free of charge but work tremendously well for people who appreciate this love language.

2) Quality Time: Giving someone your undivided attention (not by watching TV together), spending a real quality time by doing something together such as taking a stroll down the street, talking to each other, go for a dinner date, have common hobbies and many more. Giving each other undivided attention is like giving their life’s to each other is a powerful love communicator.

3) Gifting: A person who primary love language’s is gifting doesn’t mean he/she enjoys receiving a lot of gifts, but the person will really appreciate the gift from head to toe including the wrapping papers, the greeting cards or even have a dedicated space to keep those presents. 

4) Physical Touch: Sense of touch can be very powerful in communicating love, a hug, a kiss or a stroke on one’s hair can easily fill up the love tank. Amongst all the love languages, I would say this is the easiest/simpliest love language to speak to as it doesn’t required much efforts or time but more on building a habitual routine. If your spouse primary love language’s is physical touch, learn to practice a goodbye kiss, good night hug, shoulder to lean on when he/she is down, you may bring out the best of him/her.

5) Act of Service: My husband once told me, ‘action speaks louder than words’, isn’t it obvious his primary love language’s is act of service. He transforms all his love into actions, he is our ‘Mr. Fix It,’ my girls’ dentiest, problem solver and the always the man in action. 

It is important to identify and speak your spouse primary (or even secondary) love language’s, it will help to maintain or improve a relationship and please bear in mind, a person’s primary love language can be easierly filled up and easierly tumble down if being used the other way round. For instance, hurtful words can drain up a person’s love tank if the person primary love language is word of affirmation. Hitting or beating can break a person’s heart if physical touch is important to him/her. Same concept applies to all other love languages.

If you have yet to identify your spouse’s primary love language, give it a thought or start to observe and learn to speak each other’s love language, you will see the brighter side of the marriage! Happy speaking the ‘Love languages’… cheers!