The 5 Love Languages – Dr. Gary Chapman’s

I came to know about love languages from my ex-boss (Mark Ng), it was really an ‘Ahha’ moment for me at that point of time and I must said by understanding these love languages, it helps me understand my husband better and through this better understanding it builds a stronger foundation to our marriage…

A lot of times marriage’s failed is not because of they don’t love each other’s anymore or their love has died or the love feeling is no longer presence, it is because they are speaking a different love language to each other’s…Falling in love is always easy but maintaining a relationship/marriage is totally a different story!

If you have time and like reading, ‘The 5 Love Languages’ by Dr. Gary Chapman can be one of your collections but if you don’t, I will share the simple and basic understanding of these 5 Love Languages with you and hope it can shed some lights in any of your relationships.

According to Dr. Rose Campbell’s metaphor, ‘inside every child is an emotional tank waiting to be filled with love’. It applies to every relationship as well, there is a love tank waiting to be filled and the key to the success is to speak the right love languages…The more love tank is filled, the better the relationship will be and if the love tank is empty, both parties will be drifted apart.

Excerpt from The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman:

When your spouse’s emotional love tank is full and he feels secure in your love, the whole world looks bright and your spouse will move out to reach his highest potential in life. But when the love tank is empty and he feels used but not loved, the whole world looks dark and he will likely never reach his potential for good in the world.

Here are the 5 love languages:

1) Words of Affirmation: Verbal compliments or words of appreciation are powerful communicator of love. If a person’s primary love language is words of affirmation, a simple compliment such as ‘you look beautiful’, ‘thanks for taking good care of our kids’, ‘I really appreciate you for preparing such a wonderful dinner for us’, it will easily fill up the person’s love tank. Praises and words of encouragement are free of charge but work tremendously well for people who appreciate this love language.

2) Quality Time: Giving someone your undivided attention (not by watching TV together), spending a real quality time by doing something together such as taking a stroll down the street, talking to each other, go for a dinner date, have common hobbies and many more. Giving each other undivided attention is like giving their life’s to each other is a powerful love communicator.

3) Gifting: A person who primary love language’s is gifting doesn’t mean he/she enjoys receiving a lot of gifts, but the person will really appreciate the gift from head to toe including the wrapping papers, the greeting cards or even have dedicated a space to keep those presents. 

4) Physical Touch: Sense of touch can be very powerful in communicating love, a hug, a kiss or a stroke on one’s hair can easily fill up the love tank. Amongst all the love languages, I would say this is the easiest/simpliest love language to speak to as it doesn’t required much efforts or time but more on building a habitual routine. If your spouse primary love language’s is physical touch, learn to practice a goodbye kiss, good night hug, shoulder to lean on when he/she is down, you may bring out the best of him/her.

5) Act of Service: My husband once told me, ‘action speaks louder than words’, isn’t it obvious his primary love language’s is act of service. He transforms all his love into actions, he is our ‘Mr. Fix It,’ my girls’ dentiest, problem solver and the always the man in action. 

It is important to identify and speak your spouse primary (or even secondary) love language’s, it will help to maintain or improve a relationship and please bear in mind, a person’s primary love language can be easierly filled up and easierly tumble down if being used the other way round. For instance, hurtful words can drain up a person’s love tank if the person primary love language is word of affirmation. Hitting or beating can break a person’s heart if physical touch is important to him/her. Same concept applies to all other love languages.

If you have yet to identify your spouse’s primary love language, give it a thought or start to observe and learn to speak each other’s love language, you will see the brighter side of the marriage! Happy speaking the ‘Love languages’… cheers!

 

The mid-life me…

What is mid-life? If I can live up to 80 years old, my mid-life should starts around 40’s… Is mid-life really a crisis? Hmm…my husband once told me, if there is a crisis, there will be an opportunity! In this context, I guess mid-life is when you take a step back to see where you were, to where you are now and to where you want to be…

I do find people enjoy and appreciate different things at different stages of life’s…During my early 20’s, chilling out at night with friends was one of the major course, worries free, commitments free, stress free and we talked about things were really seems important in our later life…At times, simplicity can be beautiful even with little money, owning inexpensive materials, dined-in inexpensive restaurant but you can enjoy the freedom of mind and soul…

In my early 30’s, my life is all about kids, kids and nothing but kids….The day seems so long and the night seems so short. When I first gave birth to my first daughter (Chloe), it seems she was my everything, never felt such strong love-ties between us. I cut my hair short, trimmed my nails short, it was quite a tremendous lifestyle changed when you have your first-born. That was a moment I felt Chloe was like a third-partyto our marriage, she took away all the attentions, love and care…feeling unimportant and neglected but as we see Chloe growing day by day, her smiles, her looks and her everything has sipped deeply into our hearts where the world seems fulfilled by just having her in our life’s!

Soon after a year, I gave birth to my second daughter (Alexis), it was really tough juggling both work and family, my routines were surrounded by late night work (after settling down the kids to bed), breastfeeding, cuddling, nappy changing and many more… At times, I felt lost and burnt out, asking myself what is the point of doing all these, it seems never-ending!

I’ve read a book saying woman’s mood is like  wave, it goes up and down and what is important is to go with the waves, by embracing your true emotions will help you to have better self-understanding, courage’s to move on with your life and good things will definitely come along if you believe in it! 

Years in years out with lots of memories, worries, tiredness, frustration and many more mixed feelings that made up my past 5 years! Kids have grown up day by day with lesser attentions and more time for myself that’s where I guess my mid-life kicks in by looking back my accomplishment checklist. Health came out to be in my no. 1 list, I started heading to gym, swimming and hiking, cutting down sugar intake and eating consciously with healthier diet. ‘Sweat is good’ has became part of my routine! I enjoy truthful conversations with friends, l learn and practice ‘看穿但不说穿’, it means ‘the truth is better be kept than be spoken’. Living in the moment makes me appreciate the little things in life and constantly challenge myself to be a better me!