I’m guilty!

I am guilty, for not spending much time with you!

I am guilty, for not caring enough for you!

I am guilty, for not being in touch with you closely!

I am guilty, for not listening empathetically from you!

I am guilty, for being impatient with you!

I am sad, seeing you in pain!

I am sad, watching your inadequately weak body!

I am sad, realizing you have aged so much!

I am sad, when my hands are tied and feeling helpless!

I yearn for more time, to recompense the fault!

I longed for forgiveness, to indemnify the guilt!

I wish, to hold you again!

I wish, for a second chance!

I wish, gods hear my prayers!

The rhythm of footsteps…👣

I still remembering the day you were born, your tiny little feet engraved deeply in my heart… our pleasure and misery seems grasped by your little heart…I saw hope, freedom of soul and love through your eyes…

You taught us to slow down in our busy life while we taught you to take a step at a time, you taught us how to juggled work life balanced while we taught you balanced of walking. You looked up to us as we were your everything while we looked down at you as you mean the world to us…

You were on your own walking and running steadily and at times you turned back and smiled at us, I wondered how much and how fast had you grown…Blessedly all these memories were captured through our lens…

At times, you seems have to doubled your footsteps in order to keep up with us…while we were perpetually measuring your heights against us, you have unknowingly kept up to our pace…

The day when your footsteps outpaced us will be the day we have to let go our hands…Questions are running through my mind ~ will it be hard for us to keep up with you? will we annoy you for trying to learn new tech. from you?

While you are busy with your work and family, will you turn around and take a look at us and remembering how you taught us to strive for work life balanced?

Will you take us for a stroll remembering how we walked you step by step…will you kneel down and look into our wrinkled eyes seeing love through our souls?

The day when the rhythm of our footsteps stopped will be the day our worries stopped too…Spread your wings and soar in the sky while we say our prayers to you eternity…

Parenthood is a beautiful journey!

‘When the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly!’ 🦋 Richard Bach

Inconspicuous role but never be forgotten…

Day in day out whenever I drive pass my guard house, they will never once fail to greet us and honestly I don’t even know their names…

They might seems unimportant and low in socioeconomic status but their passion and commitment towards their job can never be underestimated.

Their pride and seriousness towards their role can be seen through their exceptionally clean and non-wrinkled working attire. At times, their enthusiasm and positive attitude can outperform those who working in white collar working class.

Perhaps by putting aside social hierarchy status, they are well deserved more respect and less judgement from the society.

Little Helping Hands…

Recently Chloe and Alexis school have a fund raising program in support for the under privileged children in Sabah and being the typical Asian parents, the first reaction was like ~ another extra task for parents, what will be the easiest way or least effort to get the form filled or how to collect big sum of money so the kids will feel great and proud of their achievements…

When I paused for a moment and thought over it, should we repeat the history on how our parents used to help us on this kind of fund raising program or should we make changes instead…

Thus, I decided to put in a little more efforts by getting the girls to design their donation box and not forgotten the boxes were build and modified by my Mr. Fix It, their beloved daddy…

Secondly, getting the girls to be hands-on in baking some cookies as a token of appreciation in return to the donors and perhaps it will make us feel better of just going around for donation.

Thirdly, we are set to go…

We are really blessed and grateful to be surrounded by a wonderful neighborhood who are very supportive and generous in caring and giving back to the society.

This small action might seems insignificant in contributing to the society but I am glad to see Chloe leading her little sister in explaining and raising awareness around our neighborhood. I always enjoy and appreciate seeing them growing confidently in talking to people, their courages to speak up and not forgotten their honest and unsophisticated acts.

After all, the essence of this little act is not about the total amount collected but is the process and great moments of togetherness has again deposited great bonding and bring us closer as a family. Hope this little gesture able to induce compassion and kindness within them.

I might not be nurturing multi-talented kids but hope I am on the right track of nurturing loving and caring children.

Little helping hands, touching hearts, touching life’s…

The emotional development in children (心理成长)

I am a strong believer of the importance of a child’s emotional development, the behaviors and attitudes in adulthood has very strong correlation with the emotional growth during their childhood.

I have a friend named Susan, she demonstrated a strong character in the sense that it seems she knows everything under the sun, even though she mights be wrong at times. She enjoys proving herself to be a capable person, to take lead and to dare herself on impossible tasks but sometimes it seems she has gone overboard. After getting to know her better, I started to realize that her strong character mainly due to her childhood growth as she grew up in a typical family which emphasizes on male than female. With little or no attention from her parents, she fought hard to seek their attention, she has to prove her capabilities in order to gain love and acknowledgement from her parents. It seems the suppressed of the attention and love has shaped her character of wanted to be the best at all time in order for her to excel in her career or life.

My cousin brother named Alex was born in an average but loving family. Strong bonding were build since young with lots of outings, togetherness and openness have enlightened him the importance of family values. He holds very strong family values in building his own family, trust and commitment are the building blocks, he is honest and truthful to his wife. He enjoys spending time with his family and emphasizes the importance of a father’s loves towards his daughters. He shadows what his father has done in building a loving family and it seems the cycle has repeated by itself from generations to generations.

If you observe people around you, their behaviors actually very much influenced by their up bringing and environment in their childhood. Characters and behaviors are build over a period or time and it shapes a person’s core values and perspectives towards life. Thus, while we emphasizing our children physically and academically nor socially growth, always remembered mental health or emotionally growth are equally important!

Making us proud?

There was once a man asked Chloe about her academic achievements, of course given her who doesn’t really strike super well academically, it didn’t impress him at all and he had made a statement like ‘children supposed to excel academically to make their parents proud’…

Do we really want our children to make us proud by being the top students in the class, by attending various enrichment classes to be multi-talented? Are the parents competing and comparing their kids too often? Jack Ma has once mentioned that he only aimed for his children to score an average academically because by scoring great grade means the kids have to sacrifice their time in developing others skills.

There are lots of little things that our children can actually make us proud if we able to pause for a moment and appreciate the little things…

I am very proud of Chloe’s determination of learning to ride on a bicycle, she was so afraid of falling and yet kept telling herself that she could do it, I saw courages and determination through her eyes and at the same time I saw fear and worries. She spent almost an hour a day just to practice her balancing skill and total 6 days to be successfully rode on a bicycle. Personally, the length of the practice wasn’t really matter but what matters the most was I was there to witness her emotional growth, giving her moral support, watching her improving day by day…

It makes me feel proud when Chloe told me she kinds of like performing on stage now. Again, she has overcome her stage fright over times. I still remembering her first audition during her kindergarten, she sang the song ‘Love Story’ by Taylor Swift. Practically she was just mumbling, her voice was soft and zero showmanship. There was once she performed solo in Bentley Music Academy, her voice was sweet but it was obvious that she was very nervous. I am proud to see her confidence level has grown day by day even she still doesn’t sing like a pro or being very outstanding on the stage but what matters the most is the process of getting there, it takes courageous and efforts…

I am proud when Alexis first admitted her wrong doing and learning to apologize. For a strong-will child like her, sorry seems to be the hardest word. It takes a lot of self-reflection moments and courageous. Besides, leadership by example is equally important. By saying ‘ I am sorry’ to our children, it shows that no ones are perfect, adults will make mistakes as well. What’s more important is to admit our wrong doing, learn the mistakes and move on with life!

I am proud when my girls show kindness and sympathy when I am tired. A simple gesture of tucking me in my blanket, an offer of a massage session, stroking my forehead asking me to rest early and making sure I have my meal. It touches and warms my heart!

There are plentiful of little things that our children can make us proud other than academic or performing arts, we just need to pause for that moment and appreciate the little things! Emotionally and physically growth are equally important than academically.

Let’s be proud and celebrate the little things!

The Little Things in Life…

I still remembered when I was a working mum, competing with time was one of my main task in my daily life! Settling kids to kindergarten and nanny’s house in the morning, drove an hour to office, meeting, work, meeting and work…6PM! Time to leave in order to make it on time to pick up my kids, stuck for another hour in traffic! Spent 1-2 hours bonding time with kids and most of the time dozed off with kids!

Over times, I’ve lost touch with the little things in my life, sleep deprived, lack of ‘me’ time, busy with work and house chores. Sometimes, I’ve tried to squeeze or steal time for myself over a facial appointment or quick chill out with friends but some how there was a guilt feeling of leaving the kids behind…

I am very grateful that after 10 years of working in the corporate world, I have an opportunity to be a stay-at-Home-mum (SAHM). As a sahm allows me to re-prioritize my time but it is definitely not an easy job as well. Or put it in another way, it depends on what path you’ve chosen. The easy effortless way or the full fledge way. Of course I’ve chosen the later one, I started to learn baking, cooking, doing small little things such as giving a surprise gift when fetching my girls after school, prepare a theme breakfast or snack box, taking them out for a morning walk or evening stroll, DIY art and craft, take part in their school activities, plan for girls sleepover party and many more. By planning and getting involved in their activities, indirectly has reduced their time spend on gadgets and TV. I disliked using tv or gadgets to baby sit my girls but having said that, they do have their tv and gadgets time under supervision and time control.

What is exactly the little things in life? In my context it will be living in the moment and taking one step at a time, appreciating the surroundings, enjoying the laughters and capturing the moment!

Most of the time, I will try to arrive at the school gate 10mins earlier to welcome and comfort them and indirectly send an emotional message that I am always here for them. Chatting and sharing their school life’s are our routines while driving home. Holding their hands and looking into their eyes while having either a comforting or apologetic conversation open up our hearts and bond us closer each time. Simple play time such as acting, guessing or even home made ninja warrior have deposited lots of memories and laughters. Tucking them in bed and kissing them good night seems to be a routined that couldn’t be missed.

Overtime, it seems I’ve been doing too much for the girls. Thus, striking a balance in between is important as I’ve learnt from the ‘burnt-out’ me when I was working. Thus, I would never felt guilty anymore when I squeeze or steal time for myself. Heading to gym, hanging out with friends, taking an afternoon nap makes me feel better and stronger mentally.

It doesn’t mean only sahm can have the privilege of enjoying the little things in life, it all boils down to the prioritization as every individual has only 24 hours a day. Sometimes appreciating the little things only require 10mins of your time. It always a choice that we make, choose whatever path is comfortable and always learn to strike a balance and remembered a healthy family builds from healthy parents inside out!