Making us proud?

There was once a man asked Chloe about her academic achievements, of course given her who doesn’t really strike super well academically, it didn’t impress him at all and he had made a statement like ‘children supposed to excel academically to make their parents proud’…

Do we really want our children to make us proud by being the top students in the class, by attending various enrichment classes to be multi-talented? Are the parents competing and comparing their kids too often? Jack Ma has once mentioned that he only aimed for his children to score an average academically because by scoring great grade means the kids have to sacrifice their time in developing others skills.

There are lots of little things that our children can actually make us proud if we able to pause for a moment and appreciate the little things…

I am very proud of Chloe’s determination of learning to ride on a bicycle, she was so afraid of falling and yet kept telling herself that she could do it, I saw courages and determination through her eyes and at the same time I saw fear and worries. She spent almost an hour a day just to practice her balancing skill and total 6 days to be successfully rode on a bicycle. Personally, the length of the practice wasn’t really matter but what matters the most was I was there to witness her emotional growth, giving her moral support, watching her improving day by day…

It makes me feel proud when Chloe told me she kinds of like performing on stage now. Again, she has overcome her stage fright over times. I still remembering her first audition during her kindergarten, she sang the song ‘Love Story’ by Taylor Swift. Practically she was just mumbling, her voice was soft and zero showmanship. There was once she performed solo in Bentley Music Academy, her voice was sweet but it was obvious that she was very nervous. I am proud to see her confidence level has grown day by day even she still doesn’t sing like a pro or being very outstanding on the stage but what matters the most is the process of getting there, it takes courageous and efforts…

I am proud when Alexis first admitted her wrong doing and learning to apologize. For a strong-will child like her, sorry seems to be the hardest word. It takes a lot of self-reflection moments and courageous. Besides, leadership by example is equally important. By saying ‘ I am sorry’ to our children, it shows that no ones are perfect, adults will make mistakes as well. What’s more important is to admit our wrong doing, learn the mistakes and move on with life!

I am proud when my girls show kindness and sympathy when I am tired. A simple gesture of tucking me in my blanket, an offer of a massage session, stroking my forehead asking me to rest early and making sure I have my meal. It touches and warms my heart!

There are plentiful of little things that our children can make us proud other than academic or performing arts, we just need to pause for that moment and appreciate the little things! Emotionally and physically growth are equally important than academically.

Let’s be proud and celebrate the little things!

The Little Things in Life…

I still remembered when I was a working mum, competing with time was one of my main task in my daily life! Settling kids to kindergarten and nanny’s house in the morning, drove an hour to office, meeting, work, meeting and work…6PM! Time to leave in order to make it on time to pick up kids, stuck for another hour in traffic! Spent 1-2 hours bonding time with kids and most of the time dozed off with kids!

Over times, I’ve lost touch with the little things in my life, sleep deprived, lack of ‘me’ time, busy with work and house chores. Sometimes, I’ve tried to squeeze or steal time for myself over a facial appointment or quick chill out with friends but some how there was a guilt feeling of leaving the kids behind…

I am very grateful that after 10 years of working in the corporate world, I have an opportunity to be a stay-at-Home-mum (SAHM). As a sahm allows me to re-prioritize my time but it is definitely not an easy job as well. Or put it in another way, it depends on what path you’ve chosen. The easy effortless way or the full fledge way. Of course I’ve chosen the later one, I started to learn baking, cooking, doing small little things such as giving a surprise gift when fetching my girls after school, prepare a theme breakfast or snack box, taking them out for a morning walk or evening stroll, DIY art and craft, take part in their school activities, plan for girls sleepover party and many more. By planning and getting involved in their activities, indirectly has reduced their time spend on gadgets and TV. I disliked using tv or gadgets to baby sit my girls but having said that, they do have their tv and gadgets time under supervision and time control.

What is exactly the little things in life? In my context it will be living in the moment and taking one step at a time, appreciating the surroundings, enjoying the laughters and capturing the moment!

Most of the time, I will try to arrive at the school gate 10mins earlier to welcome and comfort them and indirectly send an emotional message that I am always there for them. Chatting and sharing their school life’s are our routines while driving home. Holding their hands and looking into their eyes while having either a comforting or apologetic conversation open up our hearts and bond us closer each time. Simple play time such as acting, guessing or even home made ninja warrior have deposited lots of memories and laughters. Tucking them in bed and kissing them good night seems to be a routined that couldn’t be missed.

Overtime, it seems I’ve been doing too much for the girls. Thus, striking a balance in between is important as I’ve learnt from the ‘burnt-out’ me when I was working. Thus, I would never felt guilty anymore when I squeeze or steal time for myself. Heading to gym, hanging out with friends, taking an afternoon nap makes me feel better and stronger mentally.

It doesn’t mean only sahm can have the privilege of enjoying the little things in life, it all boils down to the prioritization as every individual has only 24 hours a day. Sometimes appreciating the little things only require 10mins of your time. It always a choice that we make, choose whatever path is comfortable and always learn to strike a balance and remembered a healthy family builds from healthy parents inside out!

The 5 Love Languages – Dr. Gary Chapman’s

I came to know about love languages from my ex-boss (Mark Ng), it was really an ‘Ahha’ moment for me at that point of time and I must said by understanding these love languages, it helps me understand my husband better and through this better understanding it builds a stronger foundation to our marriage…

A lot of times marriage’s failed is not because of they don’t love each other’s anymore or their love has died or the love feeling is no longer presence, it is because they are speaking a different love language to each other’s…Falling in love is always easy but maintaining a relationship/marriage is totally a different story!

If you have time and like reading, ‘The 5 Love Languages’ by Dr. Gary Chapman can be one of your collections but if you don’t, I will share the simple and basic understanding of these 5 Love Languages with you and hope it can shed some lights in any of your relationships.

According to Dr. Rose Campbell’s metaphor, ‘inside every child is an emotional tank waiting to be filled with love’. It applies to every relationship as well, there is a love tank waiting to be filled and the key to the success is to speak the right love languages…The more love tank is filled, the better the relationship will be and if the love tank is empty, both parties will be drifted apart.

Excerpt from The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman:

When your spouse’s emotional love tank is full and he feels secure in your love, the whole world looks bright and your spouse will move out to reach his highest potential in life. But when the love tank is empty and he feels used but not loved, the whole world looks dark and he will likely never reach his potential for good in the world.

Here are the 5 love languages:

1) Words of Affirmation: Verbal compliments or words of appreciation are powerful communicator of love. If a person’s primary love language is words of affirmation, a simple compliment such as ‘you look beautiful’, ‘thanks for taking good care of our kids’, ‘I really appreciate you for preparing such a wonderful dinner for us’, it will easily fill up the person’s love tank. Praises and words of encouragement are free of charge but work tremendously well for people who appreciate this love language.

2) Quality Time: Giving someone your undivided attention (not by watching TV together), spending a real quality time by doing something together such as taking a stroll down the street, talking to each other, go for a dinner date, have common hobbies and many more. Giving each other undivided attention is like giving their life’s to each other is a powerful love communicator.

3) Gifting: A person who primary love language’s is gifting doesn’t mean he/she enjoys receiving a lot of gifts, but the person will really appreciate the gift from head to toe including the wrapping papers, the greeting cards or even have dedicated a space to keep those presents. 

4) Physical Touch: Sense of touch can be very powerful in communicating love, a hug, a kiss or a stroke on one’s hair can easily fill up the love tank. Amongst all the love languages, I would say this is the easiest/simpliest love language to speak to as it doesn’t required much efforts or time but more on building a habitual routine. If your spouse primary love language’s is physical touch, learn to practice a goodbye kiss, good night hug, shoulder to lean on when he/she is down, you may bring out the best of him/her.

5) Act of Service: My husband once told me, ‘action speaks louder than words’, isn’t it obvious his primary love language’s is act of service. He transforms all his love into actions, he is our ‘Mr. Fix It,’ my girls’ dentiest, problem solver and the always the man in action. 

It is important to identify and speak your spouse primary (or even secondary) love language’s, it will help to maintain or improve a relationship and please bear in mind, a person’s primary love language can be easierly filled up and easierly tumble down if being used the other way round. For instance, hurtful words can drain up a person’s love tank if the person primary love language is word of affirmation. Hitting or beating can break a person’s heart if physical touch is important to him/her. Same concept applies to all other love languages.

If you have yet to identify your spouse’s primary love language, give it a thought or start to observe and learn to speak each other’s love language, you will see the brighter side of the marriage! Happy speaking the ‘Love languages’… cheers!

 

The mid-life me…

What is mid-life? If I can live up to 80 years old, my mid-life should starts around 40’s… Is mid-life really a crisis? Hmm…my husband once told me, if there is a crisis, there will be an opportunity! In this context, I guess mid-life is when you take a step back to see where you were, to where you are now and to where you want to be…

I do find people enjoy and appreciate different things at different stages of life’s…During my early 20’s, chilling out at night with friends was one of the major course, worries free, commitments free, stress free and we talked about things were really seems important in our later life…At times, simplicity can be beautiful even with little money, owning inexpensive materials, dined-in inexpensive restaurant but you can enjoy the freedom of mind and soul…

In my early 30’s, my life is all about kids, kids and nothing but kids….The day seems so long and the night seems so short. When I first gave birth to my first daughter (Chloe), it seems she was my everything, never felt such strong love-ties between us. I cut my hair short, trimmed my nails short, it was quite a tremendous lifestyle changed when you have your first-born. That was a moment I felt Chloe was like a third-partyto our marriage, she took away all the attentions, love and care…feeling unimportant and neglected but as we see Chloe growing day by day, her smiles, her looks and her everything has sipped deeply into our hearts where the world seems fulfilled by just having her in our life’s!

Soon after a year, I gave birth to my second daughter (Alexis), it was really tough juggling both work and family, my routines were surrounded by late night work (after settling down the kids to bed), breastfeeding, cuddling, nappy changing and many more… At times, I felt lost and burnt out, asking myself what is the point of doing all these, it seems never-ending!

I’ve read a book saying woman’s mood is like  wave, it goes up and down and what is important is to go with the waves, by embracing your true emotions will help you to have better self-understanding, courage’s to move on with your life and good things will definitely come along if you believe in it! 

Years in years out with lots of memories, worries, tiredness, frustration and many more mixed feelings that made up my past 5 years! Kids have grown up day by day with lesser attentions and more time for myself that’s where I guess my mid-life kicks in by looking back my accomplishment checklist. Health came out to be in my no. 1 list, I started heading to gym, swimming and hiking, cutting down sugar intake and eating consciously with healthier diet. ‘Sweat is good’ has became part of my routine! I enjoy truthful conversations with friends, l learn and practice ‘看穿但不说穿’, it means ‘the truth is better be kept than be spoken’. Living in the moment makes me appreciate the little things in life and constantly challenge myself to be a better me!